The Gift of Bedtime - Spoken Word

​​Stepping into entrepreneurship has been a bit like trying to jump into a round of double dutch. You remember that game right…two ropes going at the same time and you have to jump in without messing up the rhythm?
Well, that’s been me.  I keep watching the ropes pass by and stand there waiting for the perfect time jump in. I go for it, get tripped up, get tangled in the ropes, and then retreat...

The fall hurts…BAD…so getting tripped up is scary and to be honest, there is so much to get tripped up over.

​I get tripped up over the fear of falling and failing.

I get tripped up over not getting it right.

I get tripped up over being seen in my vulnerability.

I get tripped up over how to show up as the most fully expressed and authentic version of myself when I would rather DIE than show up here dancing, singing, and in my creative expression.  But all of that is me and all of that has been pivotal on my healing journey so it’s all that or nothing.

I get tripped up figuring out how to turn my experiences, unique perspectives, and innate wisdom into a commodity.

I get tripped up on how to turn a heart’s calling into a business.

I get tripped up over tech stuff (email lists, websites, payment systems, calendars).

I get tripped up over how to put together the perfect words to express who I am and why the world needs me.

I get tripped up trying to find time to focus and "move the needle" when my plate is already so full with all things motherhood, healing, and life.

I get tripped up knowing that the world would benefit from me sharing about what living a life outside of the mainstream model looks and feels like, but also dread the thought of the backlash and criticism and judgment that could be waiting in the wings.

I get tripped up over how to speak to my experiences and not paint others in a negative light doing so.

I get tripped up trying to figure out how to share about my journey and still honor my privacy and that of my children in these digital spaces that harvest our data to sell to the highest bidder.

I get tripped up over using these digital spaces as platforms when they feel so out of alignment with what I want in a platform…and the world for that matter.

I get tripped up over what to call myself...coach, mentor, healer???

I get tripped up over wanting to hide away in the jungle and just live my sweet little life all while having a RELENTLESS PULL to share about it so others know there is a different way of doing things.

I get tripped up...I could go on, but you get the point.

And if you are a mama on similar mission, I know you resonate on so many of these points.

It’s been no easy feat to step into entrepreneurship, but I’m frequently reminded that I'm not just learning how to run a business, I'm also doing deep healing work to overcome all the things that allow me to heal myself to a point where I can be of the most service to those who need my medicine.

Because in the healing world, it is well known that you can only help someone heal as far as you have healed yourself so doing the work on myself has been imperative.

In that sense, entrepreneurship is my growth edge…the catalyst to the next level of my own healing.

And healing is no walk in the park.  It requires constant examination, and reflection, and deep diving into my triggers and my stuckness.  It’s painful, it’s heavy, it’s overwhelming at times, but it is also incredibly LIBERATING and a necessary part of the journey.

There are still so many layers to uncover and excavate, but in regards to putting myself out into the world, I’m SO over being stuck and getting tripped up.  It’s been holding me back from sharing messages that the world desperately needs for FAR too long.  It’s what is standing in the way of my next up-level.  And the hardest part is the blinding truth that what has been standing in my way the whole time is ME.

My stories, my limiting beliefs, my skewed perspective on my value and worth, and my excuses.  And I’m OVER all of that.

So with a little tough love from a mentor, lots of encouragement and support from sisters who see my gifts and deeply value who I am, and the guiding light of those who are forging the way, I’m getting over myself and getting out of my own way.

Because the fear of getting tripped up over all the things pales in comparison to not being in service to this heart’s calling.

Starting right now, I’m committing to taking action, being visible, sharing my gifts and crafts, showing up in the vulnerability, and embracing the knowing that falling isn’t failing…it is learning. And I actually LOVE learning.

There is a saying that fear is excitement without the breath. I’ve been focused on the fear for so long that I forgot about how exciting the possibilities of all of this are.

The excitement of creating abundance doing something I love…being in service, continually learning and researching about things I am deeply passionate about, honing my craft, pouring into my wellbeing, inspiring and supporting other people to create something different, creating and sharing spaces with amazing humans, being part of and contributing to important conversations, and being the medicine the world needs.

And if all that wasn’t rewarding and exciting enough, I also get the gift of growing and healing myself along the way.  And most importantly, I get to be myself…unapologetically authentic and fully expressed because I know that that right there is the medicine and is what will magnetize my people to me.

I know so many of you have been waiting and watching. Cheering me on. Seeing me put myself out there and then retreating.  Seeing my gifts and not understanding what I can’t see, but believing in me unwaveringly.

Well, here I am.  I’m coming out of hiding.  I’m no longer playing small.  With tears in my eyes and my heart on my sleeve, I’m going to show up.

This video is a little peek into my journey…into the process of me moving through the fear and into me exploring new ways of expressing myself and communicating the messages that have been put on my heart.  Cue the “vulnerability hangover” that Brené Brown speaks to.

I’m backlogged on sharing what Janne Robinson so eloquently describes as "slabs of my heart" and I’m EXCITED to let all of the things that I have been filing away start making their way into the world. 

If you know someone that needs to pick up what I’m putting down, please share it with them.

​We all play a part creating change and healing this world. I’d love your help and support in whatever feels right. 

Also…I’ve got some BIG NEWS that I’m so EXCITED to share about so stay tuned and come along for the ride if you feel called.